Daily Bugle Exclusive: Cliffjumper’s politics exposed! Autobot camp yet to make statement! Prime silent! (Archive: December 2016):

by Samuel Tongue

“Strike first, strike fast, strike hard.”


No, we didn’t talk about it much back at base.

I told them straight. Bumblebee kept playing

the Vietnam classics: Creedence, The Doors, Dylan.

Whatever. But, yeah, I voted for him.

I came here in the 80s, saw what Reagan achieved.

He’s the same. The thing that got me was his speeches;

America First and those 2nd Amendment rights.

Obviously steel production is big for me too.

I drew the line at wearing a MAGA cap

but I swore to defend this land against traitors,

invaders, terrorists and SJWs. And for that, we need weapons.

This ain’t no beard-growing, beer-making, halloumi-eating picnic

down here: you’ve got Decepticons infiltrating everywhere,

coming in as refugees with fake war stories,

or covering up as migrants with tales of woe.

Drugs. I don’t get religion either but that Islam stuff

some fleshlings are hooked on? And don’t get me started

on men becoming women; I know I can transform

but I’m an energon-guzzling piece of kit all the way down,

if you know what I mean. Some things need to stay put.

Optimus wasn’t happy but he’s all red, white, and blue really.

I’ve still got my guns. I can shoot up metal

until it’s brittle as glass. That’s where we’re at.

Things need smashing up a bit. I stand by that.

SAMUEL TONGUE’s first collection is Sacrifice Zones (Red Squirrel, 2020) and he has two pamphlets: Stitch (Tapsalteerie, 2018) and Hauling-Out (Eyewear, 2016). He is Project Coordinator at the Scottish Poetry Library and has a website: www.samueltongue.com.